I have pain in my heart. I can't make it go away.
Like, I feel all broken inside and I feel like because I've been broken inside so many times that I can't put the pieces back together anymore. I don't understand why things can't just be the way I want them to be. Like I want to feel whole again but there is this gaping hole and its sucking everything into it so fast that I can't fix it. I wonder when things get to go right for me? Right in the way I want them too. I know I shouldn't be waiting around but I can't help but wait because there is nothing better to do. There is nothing there anymore to spark me or keep me going like there used to be. I feel blank. Maybe it's better off if I just stopped caring?
I know its come back. I felt really really good for a too short a period of time. I felt strong and invincible. Now I feel weak and small. I can't remember when I last felt good before then. I wanna feel good again but I don't know if I can do it.

And that's what's been bothering me.

Bjork, with her soaring voice, lifts me up even when I am feeling my lowest of lows.



Last final today.

Lookit what my next knitting project is going to be!!! It 10 kinds of awesomeness!
I made a a play list for my ipod for the plane ride home. It makes me excited to go home. I only have one final left. I get excited.
Home will be super duper awesome. Cuz this place is starting to make me all funny in the head. Plus I get to go to a Modest Mouse concert!!!!
Also I have posted to your favorite photo blog and you know what would make me very happy? If you kids commented.
Remember Febuary 23 EC airport. My arrival.

I forgot! You must also see this hotness!!!

I did some tweaking and now my spring quarter shedule is full of hotness! Oh hells yes. Spring quarter is going to be sweeeeeet.

Ouchie!

Remember that story I told you about my pinky nail doing all that damage? Well here is said damage, live and in color. I hope you enjoy.

Thank you for those who have commented on my pictures. For the rest of you who have looked at them but have not commented, what the fuck? No really, what the fuck?
I have much to do this weekend. Studying, final projects to finish. But I have taken time out from my busyness to give y'all an update on my happenings.
Friday morning my pinky nail did serious damage to my hand as I managed to slash the area below my thumb quite severly with said pinky nail. It is a nasty looking gash that looks as if something much worse than a pinky nail could have inflicted such damage.
Friday was also the day I recieved my Valentine's cheese box from Mommy and Daddy. It thrilled me to bit because y'all know how much I loves cheese. The cheese tastes MARVELOUS by the way.
I am going to be releasing my anger this spring via rugby. Apparently, according to those who will not be named, I have much anger to be released. I will just pretend my opponent is him. I digress. I am very excited about rugby as I will be playing with my posse. We are all living together next year so we are doing this to bond. Plus playing in the mud is fun.
I am much looking forword to Spring Break. (And Modest Mouse!!!!!!) Remember EC kiddies: Febuary 23, 11PM, EC Airport. That is when I arrive and thus you should welcome me appropriately.

It is almost midnight. I don't know how long I've been knitting for but it has been a long time. You see, knitting is like crack. It is highly addictive. Sometimes you spend lots of money on it. But I love it. I would never stop.
Check out my photoblog. Its the hizzy fa shizzy. I put up a new picture. Its what my tuition dollars have allowed me to do.

"No...I want a fucking Range Rover." - some kid I heard today, talking on his cell phone. It was amusing.

Sickness! Why do you taunt me so? Especially when I have much work to do???
It sucks to run out of tampons.
So things are going much better. My only problem is that I really need some self-esteem boosters at the moment. Like it would be nice if SOMEONE ANYONE commented on my photos on the photo blog. Is that much of a hint? But I don't know what to do to make myself feel good. Right now, I feel like everything I do sucks. There is a scholarship I can apply for, but I don't know if I want to waste my time with it. I feel like nothing I've done so far this year is worthwhile. Because nothing ever turns out like I want it. Even relationships. Ugh.
Just a reminder that I will be home FEBUARY 23. You Eau Claire kids should keep me entertained, ya hear?

I don't want to be lonely.

Lately I have been sleeping a lot. Too much I think. Sleep has become for me someting I do when I get upset. Since today was kind of icky (Cagers in the Photo building being bitches) all I feel like doing is sleeping. This is a problem. I get bored with life. So I sleep.

Well my dream has come true thanks to Sarah E.! I have created for myself a photoblog. So far there is very little on it. I don't have many pictures on my compy quite yet even though most things I do for school are done digitally. I haven't been taking many pictures for fun either because its shitty out. We had a blizzard yesterday, the likes of which is never seen in Wisconsin. Outside my window. the quad is pristine, covered in a blanket of white. I dread walking to class tomorrow. Maybe my profs will cancel class. That would be AWESOME.
Things are going well despite recent events. I keep forgetting that when bad things happen to me, I always triumph. ALWAYS. I can't let this new thing rule. I have to do what's best for me and I know where I belong now and who my real friends are. Anyway...I picked up some yarn and needles on Friday (I got off campus wooohooo!) and I have reignited the fire in me that is knitting. So I making scarfes for the silly boys on the floor who have none. Sarah McK. and I have stitch 'n bitch and we usually force Justin into crafting it up too. We got him to do some macrame. Today I feel like being lazy. I think I will get a photoshop tutorial out of the way and maybe do some reading for philosophy - though I doubt that will happen. The big goal though is to write letters to Kraft Foods and French's mustard people to tell them how much I enjoy their products. Hopefully this will make them see that they need to send me free things. Especially Kraft. Because whoa nelly, I can't get enough of that Pasta Pronto stuff. It's delightful!
Sooooo here is my photoblog Immaculate Perception if anyone can think of a better name please do so. I don't think anyone gets the play on words except me and Sworva. Also don't hesitate to comment and tell me how much I suck. I would love to hear what you have to say and then get the opourtunity to put a voodoo curse on you.

Big test tomorrow. How will I do? We shall see. Studying all week better pay off.
By the way...have you seen my photo blog? (Thanks Sarah E)
It sucks right now but I'm working on it
http://tohellwithme.blogspot.com

Much has happened since my last post. Most of it I don't want to talk about. All I can say is, I can't wait for the quarter to be over.
In fact, I really need the weekend right about now. Normally I am not much of a drinker. But this is one of those weekends when I feel like getting trashed. So thats what I'm going to do.
I really need to be remotivated photo-wise. I am getting so discouraged with Biomed Photo. Suppon being such a hard core photo teacher and working at Sharp for three years have really put me a head of the game. The only thing thats really kind of new to me this year is working on photo shop and working in the studio. But I was talking to Megan T today and she was saying how in her class a recent grad came in to talk about whats she's been doing and that that really made her feel motivated about photo again. I could really use something like that right now. We all have to do a self assignment and I'm really excited about mine, I start shooting it friday. So thats one thing. I don't know. I thinks stuff thats been going on and the ugly winter weather thats got me down. Cuz I can't just go out and shoot pictures to make myself feel better like I used to when the weather is this shitty.
But I do have a digital SLR out for tomorrow's studio session....maybe we'll play tonight.

In other news, for all you kids who've been longing to see me...I will be back in town Feb 23. I will be flying into the EC airport this time so I will expect a whole mess of people at the gate. The flight gets in at 10:50 PM. Be there.

I want to know how to make a photo blog. It would be super fly awesome.
Lazy saturday afternoon. Gotta take some pictures at some point. Why the hell am I so hungry. Arrggg. String cheese is not cutting it.

I loooove fridays. On friday I only have one class and that class is only one hour and then I am done. Wahoo!
It is my firm belief that philosophy is impossible to read. It is just gibberish. Which is why I don't read the reading assignments for my philosophy class. Because it is gibberish. There is a lot of reading I must do but I don't do it. I get assigned a lot of shit to read. Its just not cool! Damn you phonics!
Mommy would not be happy if she heard me say that. Lets keep a secret between you and me, ok?

My blog is so pretty now!
Its a new year!
I got a manicure thingie for christmas and I was playing with it yesterday. Now my thumbnail looks all jagged. It was too powerful for me! It got out of control! Its tragic.
Who gets to go to church twice in one day? I do! I love it! Oh yeah!
I go back to school tomorrow. I didn't get to see all the people I wanted to and now I probably won't get to see them till summer because I have "spring break" at the end of winter. Its crazy!
I just realized how happy exclamation points look.

I got tired of the dark colors and such. You like?

So. I am home.
I love and hate being home. Love because I get to sleep in my bed and take showers without shoes. Hate because I have to face the fact that my mother is not completely back to normal. When I am at school I can ignore her every health crisis. But when I am at home it is in my face all the time. I had to deal with my mother's health all through high school. I can't do it any more. I think I am allowed that. Its just one thing after another. Why can't she be healthy for once?

I am tired of being sick. I have been sick forever. Goodness. I am tragic.
Saturday I get to come home. It will be wonderful.
I hate critiques with a fiery passion. The way my prof conducts does not make them productive or worth my while at all. Nobody ever says anything in them. Cuz everybody is tired of looking at pictures by the time it is time to turn them in. Uggghhh.
I'm spent.

My crotch itches hardcore.
Ick.

I am back at RIT. Much too soon for my taste. No one is here except for the foreign dude, the weird girl with the homemade tattoo and Miss T. Miss T is the first human I have talked to in many hours.
I miss my boy.
I was actually happy to be back because my dad was driving me crazy. See Daddy talks a lot and he has an opinion about everything. He states his political opinion very loudly and obnoxiously and he dominates meal time conversation.
THERE IS NO FOOD TO EAT AND NO DINING HALL IS OPEN!!!!

What to do? I could go to bed early but I will only wake up early. I could do M&P stuff but I was planning on being a bad ass this week and skipping lab. Cuz its monday at 8 AM and that is no way to start the new quarter. Besides its Professor Evil Bitch Woman this week. I don't need bad juju coming my way so early in the morning.
I wish more people were back to entertain me.
I hope this year I get to enjoy Christmas. I probably won't. People get so jacked up for it and I don't understand what the big hooha is all about.
Meh.

I finished. Thank god.
I just have to take my M&P final tonight and then I can veg the rest of the week untill my final on friday. Hurray hurray.

Quick tip for y'all: if you're having trouble with a project and you keep fucking up no matter how hard you try to do it right, talk to your prof about it. But make sure you cry. That gets you an extentsion. It makes the rest of your week hell, but it gets you an extentsion.

The end of the quarter at RIT. It fills me with joy. I have a huge project due Thursday that involved the Zone system (fuck you ansel adams) and using the view camera. But I managed to fuck up both of those concepts so many times, I have to reshoot. Thus, I get an extension. See above scenario for more information.
I enjoy school for the most part. I just don't enjoy the end of the quarter. Being an art student has its advantages. I don't have to write silly java programs. I can spend hours and hours in a darkroom.
I just wannna go home.
I wanna go home to a place where no one makes fun of the way that I talk and I get to drink real milk. I can take a shower without having to wear flip flops. It will be good. For about a week. Then I have to come right back here again. Its funny how first instead of here I wrote home. I'm confused about where home is. It feels like both places but more and more at RIT.

Wow.
Has it been awhile?
Yes. It has.
I don't update as often as I should because I am lazy. The end of the quarter is almost here and I really need for it to be done. I am going to be working my booty off in the coming weeks to get projects and such finished. I can't wait. I just wanna sleep.
Remember back when I thought myself a mini-gangster? I am truly one know. I was shot in the ass this week. Someone busted a cap in my ass yo.
Owie. It does hurt no matter what they say.

WHEEEEEE!
I don't have a lot to say because not much has been happening that I want to write about.
So I don't write.
Because RIT is boring.
But this coming weekend won't be cuz its parent's weekend!!!!! I get to dooo stuff and go places with my parents! And I don't have to eat cafeteria food! Hurray!

Another friday night with nothing to do. Oh poor me. It's chilly outside. Smartie left her fall jacket and sweaters packed away with her winter stuff. It would be a good idea to get at that stuff this weekend. Hence the reason I am attempting to do work on a Friday night. So I can be lazy the rest of the weekend.
I am not writing about Seth for the record.
Whoooo! I have a paragraph done of my paper. Listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs makes it all the more easy. It is very difficult to write a paper that is only a page long. Some people have to write even longer papers. One page is the hardest I think. How is one supposed to include all of one's thoughts in one page?
Did you know? The dorms are overcrowded. Fish C2 has a lounge with couches and a TV but now we don't have that anymore. People are moving in to it. They had people living in the RIT Inn (some of which is devoted to housing for students) but the whole thing was full of students so now they are trying to move them out. That means moving them into our lounge. I am sad.

Procrastination is the name of the game.
I should be doing my color stuff for my design class but I have from 4 till 5 to do it. Besides I have lemonade! I should sit by my window and gaze at my cactus and enjoy my lemonade. Instead I am updating. I know you all are just itching to know how life is at RIT so I will tell you.
It's fine.
There are things about this campus that I have not noticed before. Tiny little details. I went for a coffee run break from homework walk with someone from my floor yesterday. He claimed there was a Japanese garden somewhere on campus and that he would show me. I was aware of the existence of this place but as of then had not been able to locate it. Surprise surprise the location of the Japanese garden is right next to the front entrance of a building I enter practically everyday. It is just well hidden you see. Today upon leaving class I looked and could see one of the sculputures in the garden. I wonder why I have never noticed it before.
My roommate and I bought a cactus. His name is Charlie. He bites so watch out.
Somehow I scraped the top of my foot yesterday and I cannot recall how it happened. This irks me. Am I loosing my memory? I fear I might be suffering from memory gappage. Oh no!
My design teacher told us to take speed last week because this week we have a critique and will go the full 3 hours for class. (6 to 9PM yuck) I just gotta visit my local speed dealer.
So thats every little thing. I hope you enjoyed it.

I am listening to "Kate" by Ben Folds. It is a song that has the power to make me deliriously happy. I would like to be Kate one day.
I am going to crash the Socialist meeting tonight. It will be a party. Ha ha. We are hoping that Commies give out free food.
Bjork is on my frige. Y'all are jealous.

I got back in the darkroom for the first time in a long time on Tuseday. It was so wonderful to smell that nasty fixer smell again and to fool around with contrast and time control. I just can't explain it...working in a darkroom makes me so happy. But it also can be really draining too because I put so much effort into what I'm doing. I think though, that despite all that, its totally worth it. I really want to go out and shoot for fun this weekend. I have been itching to do so for a really long time. I think the last time my camera and I had one on one time was when I was in Germany. I just want to say for the record that if at midnight, I can't contain myself, and I must take a picture or I will die, that in a dorm, subjects abound. People are doing silly things at midnight. That makes me happy too. I think photography is almost like heroin for me. I need my fix and I need it now. It just doesn't leave annoying track marks.

I am putting Justin Timberlake on my Ipod and waiting for Mike to get ready so we can do laundry.
I love my dorm. The boys are really sweet computer nerds (mostly IT majors) who get hard ons when you have a problem with your computer. For instance: my roommate's computer kept freezing the first week we were here and she had practically half the floor asking her if they could fix it. It was equivalent to me walking around topless or something.
RIT is a paradise for artists and computer geeks. I'm also happy that I haven't seen any hippies. (like one would at UW-Madison...) Allow me to gloat further, while all of you out there still have this whole semester to slave away in class, I have a mere nine weeks before I have finals, a break and then a new set of classes. The quarter system is god. So that means that the next time I will be home will be Thanksgiving. Lots of people went home with weekend and it made me feel kind of sad because I have no home nearby to go to. Sure, I have my cousins' house but it's not really home. Home is where my cat steps on my bladder and I can poop on my own toliet. I'm not really homesick or anything. I like RIT, I want to stay here. I just wish I didn't have to count the days till I get to see my parents again.
It's a beautiful day. Too bad I'm going to spend it underground. Why can't the laundry rooms be outside? That would be stupid because they would be buried in snow.
But life is good. I have conquered the unknown. I know what my classes are like and I can handle them. Yup.

I have just decided (probably because I live in a dorm full of boys) that having blood come out your vagina is the most disconcerting thing in the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, we now 1000 reasons not to vote for Bush.

First day of classes was yesterday. Sometimes RIT really confuses me. You see, AP credits have worked to my advantage and I am now 1 quarter (RIT is on the quarter system) ahead of everyone else in my program. I could do one of two things: take liberal arts this year and then begin to work on my upper level elective requirements next year finally culminating in graduating a quarter early thus busting my ass for two years for a quarter less of work or I can not take liberal arts this year and concentrate on my core classes, such as Materials and Processes of Photography which has the potential to really kick my ass. Which would you do? That's what I thought.

Life is better. I'm not freaking out. At least not right now.
Thank you College Board. Because of you and the gods of scoring, I got to drop two classes. Now, all I have are photo related classes this quarter. No liberal arts, no first year enrichment. Its all good. Now I have wed and friday free. And I have time to eat dinner on Mondays. This is nice. Thus far, I think I can handle stuff.
I'm doing better and I have a support system in place. I can handle this. Being this far away and dealing with what happened to my mom, especially not being with her every second.
Cindy (my cousin) broke it down real nice for me - I get to see them once a month this fall. (Then I have to con them into visists for the winter/spring) Haha.

I just wanted to let y'all know that I got my shit sorted out today. I will be ok.
It was tough saying good bye to my parents especially after all we went through this summer. But I did it. And I just have to keep reminding myself that they are only a phone call away.

guess wher I am? At RIT of course.
And I am freaking out.
The convocation is going on right now but I am skipping it because my paretns will be here shortly to pick me up.
I don't know if I want to stay here yet or if I can handle it or what. I am ok when I not by myself.
Damnit I need kleenex. What am I supposed to do? It's so scary. Sometimes I just want to go home.

guess wher I am? At RIT of course.
And I am freaking out.
The convocation is going on right now but I am skipping it because my paretns will be here shortly to pick me up.
I don't know if I want to stay here yet or if I can handle it or what. I am ok when I not by myself.
Damnit I need kleenex. What am I supposed to do? It's so scary. Sometimes I just want to go home.

That last post had some trouble with itself. I don't have a lot to say. I spent the day in the cities with my parents. I tried unsuccessfully to buy a lightmeter. The dude at National Camera mumbled a lot and I ended up walking out with this student discount thing Mamiya which, upon further surveying, is too much of a bitch to take advantage of. As nice as it would be to get the meter with all the bells and whistles at half price, it is not worth the hastle.
I did enjoy pushing my mother around the big mall in her wheel chair. I also liked giving people dirty looks when they stared or didn't get out of the way fast enough. We were fast moving ladies today. But it is hard pushing a wheel chair across carpeting. I wonder how many calories I burned doing that....
We went to dinner and I had the biggest assed meal I've had in a loooong time. I ate a little bit of everything. My mom and I ordered pie for desert thinking it would be an easy split. NOT SO. The "slice" (if you can call it that) was bigger than my face. It was probably a third of the pie. But it was a good meal and I was thankful to share it with my parents.
My life is pretty mundane right now. I take care of my mom, I work, I read Harry Potter cuz its the only that can keep me sane. By the way, Harry Potter, if you are out there, thanks for keeping me sane the week before I left for Germany. That was a tough week. I had to look at my mom unconscious everyday in the hospital but at least I didn't have to battle Lord Voldemort.

Hey! I am back in a big way and stuff. Back on an American keyboard that is. See on a German keyboard the y and the z are switched. That messed me up and now it feels weird to type either letter.
For all you Harry Potter fans out there....Harry and the Potters
Just what I always wanted, a band that sings about Harry Potter!
So news on my Mama and then we talk about Germany.
Mama is home with me now. She was in the hospital a very long time. But now she is home and back to her sassy self. Bossing me around and whatnot. It is good that she is home. I am happy. It was quite a contrast from when I left and saw my mother for the last time (she was in CCU, unconscious, all hooked up to tubes) to when I went to see her right after I got off the bus last wednesday. (My mother except with a little oxygen thingie in her nose and wearing a hospital gown.) For a while, I was considering putting RIT on hold. But if I can leave for 3 weeks and have her get better, then I can do the same for a school year.
Germany
Germany was a very good time. I don't have any good stories except for the one where I was in a car accident or the one where I went to a foam party at a disco or the one where I peed in the woods or the one where I fell in love with a pair of shoes. But you can all hear them another time. My host family was nice and stuff. I have yet to write to them to tell them I have arrived home safely and whatnot. Writing to Germans takes mad energy even if I do it in English.
I hope all you kids are having a nice summer. If anyone wants to hang out for a short period of time (I have to be around for my mom yo) then lemme know. Ok!

I'M COMING HOME TOMORROW!
I am so excited. Sarah P your suggestion about pie and Osseo sounds divine. I will get back late tomorrow but the morning is prime. I will call.
I can't wait to get back and drive my own car and take a dump whenever I want and not have a creepy German dude (my partner's brother) coming in to my room all the time to do shit knows what on the comp. I don't have to go to school anymore, I can work (and get my pics processed) and I get to see all of you kids. With all of my bitching, I really have enjoyed my time in Germany. I've had a lot of fun and seen a lot of things. I just wish I could have enjoyed it more. My heart was always with my mother and sometimes I just wanted to fly home and be with her. Now my time here is done and I get to do that tomorrow. I am trying to erase the image I have stuck in my head of her hooked up to a breathing machine, unconscious, eyes closed, in the CCU. It's fucking scary but it's all I have. Right now, I have the picture Katja took of me and her in Chicago in my head. She is happy and smiling and wearing a purple sweater. That makes me happy.
Tonight there is a farewell grill out. Katja and I (and others) are going to the grocery store after to school to buy 'alcoholic beverages' (as she put it) because after (the party is 100% Alkohol frei) we are going to a park with the others and getting trashed. Sounds like a farewell to me!
I will miss some things...like Katja and appel wine, and soccer games in sports bars named sports bar, and carbonated appel juice, and milk and honey lotion. Those are mostly material things. What matters most to me right now is getting home to my family and friends.

fucking katja's needs the computer so this will be quick.
All tubes have been removed from my Mom and she has been moved to a rehab facility in Osseo. Fucking Osseo. But there she can get one on one care and work on her breathing. I don't know when she will be home but it probably won't be when I get home. That is by the way this wednesday. Late. Hopefully we will have no problems. I have a whole list of stuff to do when I get home. While I have enjoyed my time in Germany, this was the shittiest time to go. I think I might have had more fun if my mother wasn't in the condition is in. If this is how I feel on another continent, how will I feel in September 900 miles away? What if she never recovers fully? I'm not sure I even want to go to RIT anymore. Shut up Mary.

shouting out from 'school'
I'm in school right now, if you can call it that. I go to school with my partner but I don't actually attend classes. I wanted to go to English this morning but HerrF demanded a meeting. I don't really care. I'm so bored. These computers are bitches like the ones at MHS and won't let you check your email. I will live. I hope we are doing something cool tonight. We don't do much like I said. We have 9 days untill it is time to go back. Class is boring because they talk in German and fast and with words I don't know. So I zone out. Then I nod off and feel bad for nodding off.
The fact that there are cigarette vending machines and that I spend time in bars has in combination made me start to smoke. Kind of. So you crazy kids at the Drive In aren't the only ones. We can smoke at school but Liebham is here now so we gots to be careful.
My hair is almost long enough to pull back. Coffe and ice cream is good together. So is milk and honey lotion. I like that shit a lot. It makes me smell good. I like stuff. My wrist bone sticks out. Alot. Thats weird.

Shouting out from the fatherland yo.
Coming home at 4AM from the disco doesn't agree with me. I'm taking a much needed break from my exchange partner this evening. She's doing something with her boyfriend. I was invited but when they are together they ignore me. Whateva!
Donna - here is what Germans think of Bush: I saw a magazine in my host family's house that had Bush's face on the front surrounded by those prision pictures with a headline that said he was morally bankrupt. I wish I could speak German as well as I can read it. Also a drunk man in a bar asked if I was an American and then told me that Bush is an asshole. All I had to say was, 'Ich weiss.' (I know.)
I like hanging out with Amis (Americans) better than Germans. They speak English and that's nice.
Meine mutter is viel besser. Her breathing tube has been removed and she has been moved from CCU to Immediate Care. Which is good.
Y'all, I'll be home on the 30th. I can't wait to see you and use a normal American keyboard. Peace out.

They have tiramisu candy in Germany. Deutschland really is the land of milk and honey. Or beer and chocolate. I had to cut short my update today because I was suddenly really tired. It was 2AM but I wasn't really aware. But here is what I have been doing. My host family is very nice. The parents speak english with me which I don't like. I guess it is fine in the first few days. Oh well. We will see what happens when we come back from Austria. Even when they speak to me in English I answer in German. I'm not expecting to carry on a long conversation with them, I don't have the skills yo. I guess as I get more comfortable here I will be ok. We leave for Austria tomorrow for five days while some of the Germans take a huge ass test called Das Abitur. So glad I am not German. It essentially decides if they pass or fail high school and can then get into college. That was today's fun fact kids! A couple of nights ago we went to a bar called Peanuts. It is for teenagers or whatnot but mostly people not old enough to buy hard liquor go there (16 for beer, 18 for hard liquor) who also want to be badass. However if are under 18 you must leave at midnight. So snap. I think that Germany's best kept alcoholic secret is apfelweine or appel wine. Damn. Uh huh. Tonight is some kind of rock party. Tom Zimppel and I suggested music for it because they wanted to know what is popular in America but we didn't know. We said things like Fishbone, Steve Miller Band, The Doors, and Jethro Tull. Tom is also famous among the peanuts crowd cuz he got stinking drunk.
In other news....
For those who care...My mother breathed for 3 hours by herself a while ago. I have lost track of the days. The time change is too confusing. She is not being sedated anymore and soon they will take her off the respirator and she will be out of CCU. She wants to eat real food instead of the stuff they have been pumping in through her nose which looks like the worst kind of Slim fast and she wants to read Harry Potter. This last bit tells me she is on the right road. I will probably not have contact with my father while in Austria so she better do super good while I am gone and when I come back she better be ten times better. That is all for now, I am off to party it up German style.

My mother breathed for three hours by herself today. Or where I am, yesterday. I wish that I could be with her. I must party it up however here is Germany. Yesterday, Donna, you will be proud to know that I went to a bar and had some German beer.

here is what is new in my life
momma is sick. she almost died. but i don't know how she is doing.
right now i am in germany in the basement of my host family's house
apparently there is no such thing as seedless grapes in germany.
i'm jet lagged.
bye

Wow...so it has come and gone.
I graduated. It's not like its sad or anything - its just surreal. Like, I've been waiting all year for it to happen and it finally did but I wasn't paying attention. Then I see people I know from school who are younger and I feel like I have to go to class again tomorrow but I don't.
Instead I am drinking rootbeer feeling bad cuz I don't have the guts to write to my german all in german. Cuz I'm afraid she'll think I am a stupid American even tho she says she doesn't care. It seems stupid to write half in english and half in german. I think I will function ok in Germany. My grad party was today and I carried on part of a conversation with someone in germglish. But I survived it. I think I can do three weeks of that.
By the way...the kids who were in my history class are the sweetest. Plus I emailed Mr. B about something and he wrote back and called me "dawg." No.
That is not right.
All y'all who came to my party - it was super awesome of you to come even though I didn't get to hang out with you alot there were many people.
Peace out yo.

Call me Ishmael.

No wait...call me soon to be high school graduate.

It's a little scary but the time is coming fast. Tomorrow is my last day at ye ole memorial and i am glad to say i am not sad about it. (oops i wrote tit instead of it my mind shall always be in the gutter i fear)i have two difficult finals tomorrwo - german (a unit test) and pottery both shall be extremely taxing. just kidding.

I leave for the fatherland in 12 days. I am excited. Sort of. The problem is I never get excited for anything anymore. Maybe I might be a little excited to leave for college but getting on a plane and sitting there for 15 hours does not excite. Yes I get to see dear old Katja again but its no biggie. I'm too blase (is that the right word) about all this stuff. My apathy, I fear, has grown not just from a small infection to a raging tumor.
That is all. When next I write, I shall be finished with public education forever.

Rachel told me to update my blog. So I shall!

The play went really well. It was so good of all you peeps to come see it. It was especially good of you Daddy to come home just to see it. I appreciate it.

So now my life seems strangely empty. I am preparing to travel to the Fatherland (Germany) in June. In preparation I say things that I say out loud in my head in German. Or I practice things I can say to my partner's parents. They apparently don't speak any English. I thought all Europeans did but I guess I am mistaken.

I don't wanna do no homework yo. I am tired of it. Teachers I demand that you stop assigning it!

This is silly. Blogger has gone all changey. Last AP test today! It is psych and I don't care how I do! I don't! I haven't studied nearly as thorougly as I did for History but that doesn't matter. Psych is all vocab and I knows my vocab.

So who's all coming to the play? I'm wearing a sassy red dress in it? In case you need a reminder its thursday and friday at 7:30 in the little theather.

Some hoochie's cell phone just rang. Who would call at 7:26AM?

Did you know I'm graduating? My par-tay is on Memorial day at 2PM. You should come. Really. Please?

I hate money. I have spent more money this week than I did on my N65 that I bought a year ago it feels like. That is the most money I have ever spent in one time. Stupid good ass film! Why you gotta cost so much? I hoard money. I don't like spending it. Wait till I get to college
We got my mom the Asthma is Sexy tshirt from Tshirt hell.om (no hyperlink too lazy) for mother's day. Cuz Momma has asthma.

Ladies and gentlemen 2 out of 3 AP tests have been completed. I would like to talk about how pissed off I am at the College Board for asking silly questions that don't have answers but I can't as I am legally bound not to.
You college kids should all come home now. I miss you all dearly.
Just a reminder....Witness for the Prosecution is Thursday and Friday May 14th and 15th at 7:30PM in the Little Theater. Y'all better be there.

Daddy! Neville spoke about you today! She said you were only able to get into the AP Lit and Comp (which apparently people overslept for) by pure charm! Wow you are the neatest!

By the way did I mention I'm in a play? Witness for the Prosecution will be performed next thursday and friday at times I'm not sure about. I will offer incentive to those who come: I do bad things to Ben Ticknor. That is my character does but who is to say I won't switch out a very important prop? Hint hint

In pottery now. Done with my ugly ass caterpillar.
Jessica Simpson is such a great singer. Mr. Ingersoll would probably make this abomination go away if he were here. For now, the thugs rule the music choice.
First of 3 AP tests tomorrow. Wish me luck yo.

hey everyone should listen to what sarah sez: i'm on crack the play is thursday and friday (13th and 14th) not friday and saturday. i was confused. for a long time.

I got two sad letters today. The first one telling my credit card bill was overdue - i never recieved one I think my mother mistakened it for hers and never gave it to me. The second letter was from RIT. No, they haven't decided to kick me out. (I get a letter from them every week and usually it is nothing to get excited about.) The envelope said orientation on it so I got excited. Sadly no info was to be found about orientation. I thought I had escaped placement testing. Sadly, no. I have to take a MATH PLACEMENT TEST. Just because I have to take two math classes in my third year. Just because the math I have to take is calculus. I'm so sad. I was feeling really smug because I thought I had escaped placement tests. At least I don't have to go out there to take it. I can take it online! Hurray!

In happy news, my grad party will be on Memorial day from 2-5PM. I hope you all can make it. It would be super cool. I might post a copy of my invite. It is super pretty. I worked hard on it. I fiddled with it in photoshop and everything.

This library is cold.

So in my opinion prom was a waste of money. I had a good time dancing....to the songs that are meant to be danced to. I looked hot in my dress though in case any of you care.
The day after prom was hell on earth at work because north, MHS, and Regis all had their proms on the same day. That means everyone had to mulitple rolls of film of people in ass ugly dresses with hair-dos that look all the same and want it in an hour. Made me hate prom even more.

The whatever is starting to come down on me for AP Tests. This time next week, I'll have 2/3 done but still....studying is my new hobby. I'm not even going to bother to attempt to do homework. I don't know what the point of trying for anything higher than a 3 is because that's all I need to get credit, but still, I have a compulsive need to study. I'm only past the War of 1812 in my history review. I've only finished states of consciousness in psych. Good thing I don't need to review for english.
I don't want to think about it. Plus I have hardcore practicing to do for the play, my lines aren't quite memorized and my cockney accent isn't what it should be. Damn. I'll leave off on my complaints and write again when I have something good to say.

Sarah E! Here is my book thang!

from pg 23 line 5 of Beloved

Hidden behind honeysuckle she watched them.

Ohhh!
Trying to study for a psych test and write in blog is amazing feat of magnificence.
Here is my PROM DRESS it is the first one on the top left. Black with pink. I will be so hot. Too bad some people are assholes about prom. Oh well.

peanut butter leaves a lasting impression on your breath and your clothes.

parents are watching the old people movie. yuck.

Ninja carrots! Evil and of doom! Rachel E you are truly diabolical.

Three tests today! I did not study for any of them. I am hardcore smart you see and I don't need to study. I am also a hardcore liar. Except about the smart part.

Look mom I can press the enter button without looking.

So the play is going ok. I expect all of you to be there since it is being preformed May 14 and 15 and college is done by then and you all better be home. (This is a message for my college hommies yo.) Cockney accents are hardcore hard yo. But it is fun to be evil. And sexy evil at that. So if you wanna see Mary as a sexy evil german lady and Donna as a butch forensic pathologist and Ben Ticknor as a dumbass then come to the play! But come mostly for me and Donna and not Ben.

I am no good as a cook. I will not stop untill I have burned the bottom of every one of my mother's pots. After much labor whatever is burned to the bottom comes off. But only after much labor. Curses. I have burned rice and carmel so far. I want to burn more!

Easter. Blah. Feet asleep. So bored. If I could I would nap but there is no where to nap.

I like how on the yahoo news sidebar, Kurt Cobain is pictured below the Olsen twins.

Guess who got a perfect score at state? That's right, me! Yay me!


I adopted a cute lil' emo fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Mommy said "Shit or get off the pot!" Again this morning on the way to school. Mommy has got a bit of a potty mouth. Except she didn't actually say it she spelled it out.

I hate how time passes. One minute you are counting the minutes, the hours, and the days and the next you are in a new day, new week, new month and you haven't noticed that time has passed when you were watching it so closely. I don't like how the minutes and hours have a tenedency to get away from. I have this compulsion to watch every second. Like I might miss something. My watch is my best friend.

People in Madison area on April 2nd: I do my speech thing at 5:30 on friday. I don't know what building or room I am in yet but I will contact you to let you know if you want to come watch me kick forensics ass.

Well now.

I went running this morning at 5:30AM (no comment). It was really interesting to see whose lights were on and to wonder why anyone besides me was up that early. I didn't see anyone else and the neighborhood was so quiet and peaceful. Except by the time I circled back to my house there were cars roaring past me on fairfax. So much for peacfullness.
Wore sandals today. My feet felt good.

I can't fucking sleep. I can hardly type my hands are shaking so much. It is 2:40 in the motherfucking morning and I am pissed. (And a little worried) I went to Walgreen's and stocked up on contact solution and cold medicine. I took the cold medicine and didn't realize it was non-drowsy. (Again.) So I took Ny-Quil but the Ny-Quil just wore off. I have nothing that I want to read, there is nothing on tv shit I just realized that that stuff lasted for only two hours...goddammit!
I'm worried because the bars have probably closed by now and my brother isn't home yet. (Damn its hard to type when your hands are shaking) I really really really hope nothing has happened to him. I would've gotten a phonecall right? Cuz he carries ID....watch I'll get back to sleep and he'll come banging in.
I had a nice quiet evening by myself however. Is it wrong to hate someone when they are trying to be civil to you? I HATE one of my coworkers because he never does any work or take the initiative to do anything. He just sits on his ass and does "work" in Adobe photoshop. But today (yesterday?) he did some work and was polite but I still hate him. He has done unforgivable things in my book. Those of you looking for a summer job, don't apply at Sharp. I will have to babysit you all summer and I am not a fun babysitter. New people are going to be working at the store soon and on the night shifts it will probably fall on me to train them. I hate that because I do it all through christmas. I know its important that they learn and all, but I feel like a babysitter.
2:50AM still not home.

Now I'm all worked up and I still can't type. It took me ten minutes to type all that because my hands are shaking so much.
I haven't updated my book blog in a while. I read a bunch of books but I can't really write what they are about. Here is a list:
I Capture the Castle
To the Nines
and that's all that I can remember. I thought that list would be longer.
Here is an update on what I am reading: King Lear for english, part of the way through One Hundred Years of Solitude, tried to read Cold Mountain but it was boring, now reading Lathe of Heaven. Also reading various AP texts and study guides on the side. I just read, read, read.

Ok, so as many of you already now I am taking a predominately freshman class. (AP US History) This time of year at schools all over EC is student-teacher time. Yes its that time again. We have a student teacher in AP US. He graduated from MHS with my brother in 2001. This makes hime 3 years older than me. Do I have to call him "Mister" now that I know this fact? I don't think its a good idea. I feel really really old.

I feel better now. Hands now quite so shaky. Almost 3 though and still no sign. Thanks for listening.

I got the part I wanted in the school play. This makes me uber happy!

This morning I was watching Fox News with my mom and a Bush commercial came on (surprise, surprise) and he's all, "I wanna lead this country..." and I said "Where? To hell?" and my mom said, "I'm so proud you think for yourself!"

Goooood story.
The drawers are empty at this desk. This is a good thing.

My pottery project is going to be so cool. Sooooo cooooool. I think I still like photography better than other visual arts because nothing turns out like I imagined it to be inside my head. With photo, I have control over everything. I like that better.

In honor of Saint Paddy's day I wore my Serbia Yay! shirt. It makes me ever so happy. I am also happy I am not Irish. Not that Irish people are bad, the Boondock Saints were Irish but they were a little...

I am tired of snow. My brother is home and I had to suffer through Iron Maiden in the car. It makes my heart ache. Soon he will be gone and I will get to stop eating red meat again as he demands massive amounts of beef at his meals.

The new art store downtown is pretty cool...if you like paint and pencils and all that stuff. I wish there was a really good photo store in EC. I would poop my pants. Actually I wouldn't but I would be very excited.

I don't know if the new Punisher movie can live up to Doph Lundgren's magnificent preformance.

I think I am done.

Something funny and ironic happened today but I can't remember what it was.

Hey wow! Gee whiz!

Cuz I'm Rick James, bitch.

Actually I'm not but Rick James is Rick James.

Donna! You'll never guess who came in to Sharp today! You'll never guess! Never! It was the thrill of my life.

Forensics was okay this weekend. It was New London and Memorial got 2nd for medium sized teams. Which is awesome. Yeah you know it.

I'm mad at the dep. of education. I want them to stop being stupid. I want them to stop sending me crap. I sent the FAFSA in why can't they just process it and stop being bitches? That would probably be too easy.

I just want this month to be other with. It is going by much too slow for my tastes. Once April hits it will be smooth sailing on the get done with school front. No I won't be fronting yo.

My lunchtime deep thoughts upon finally getting my string cheese open: "You know, as much as I like being an independent woman and all, I still like having a guy around to open my string cheese and sexually harass me."

That ladies and gentlemen is the honest truth.

By the way...I give Dirty Dancing Havana Nights four out of four stars. Yeah, its that good.

So I qulified for state. Which is nice.

I don't have a lot to say but the overwhelming fact in my life right now is that I am really really really tired. There are too many things to do and not enough time to do them in. I don't really want to complain but it feels like this overwhelming weight is crushing me. That's maybe a smidge too dramatic. Too much to do.

Ugh.
Did I mention lately that I am a P.I.M.P?

I'm tired.....

I was reading People magazine at work the other day and there was a bit about how the stars diet before going to big events like the Oscars. Some starve themselves and others use laxatives. They readily admitted it to. But what pissed me off was the way the magazine treated it - like it was a completely normal thing to do. Like super thin is the only size there is. It makes me angry the way that magazine glorifies skinny-ness. More things in the media should advocate being happy with yourself and comfortable in your own skin. I doubt this will ever happen.

G-strings are a slingshot to Gemorah.

I loooove going to the library. It is like going to Border's except all the books are free! But sometimes there are weird people at the library. So Border's has the advantage there. Plus Border's has coffee.

I had so many things to say...and then I forgot them.

Forensics is going ok for those who care. I have an awesome piece this year about menstruation but I keep getting shitty judges. I know that judging is very subjective but I keep doing horribly at the meets. I think I should be able to choose who I want for judges because I seem to do the best with males between 20-25. I guess I'm just tired of doing forensics. This is my seventh year and I'm ready to be done. Ugggh.

It makes me happy that the director of such masterpieces such as Dead Alive won an Oscar.

Also...what makes me really happy today is my favoritist band in the world has a new album coming out....yay for Modest Mouse!!!!!!

I am so excited but I have a whole month to wait. I shall count the days!

I went to the dentist. I have two cavities. My parents get pissed. But I had a childhood full of cavity free-ness. It's only two!
I'll get getting my wisdom teeth taken out soon too. How exciting.

Hey all you geeks! The new issue of Bust magazine (my favorite) will be the freaks and geeks issue! How exciting. For those of you geeks who happen also to be feminists.

My teeth hurt. Gee I wonder why.

I hope this week is a full week of school. I just can't get into the school groove. It feels all disjointed with the silly snow days and what not. I don't mind the fact that we have them because I don't have to make any of them up but...it kind of sucks that all of my classes are four days behind schedule.

Econ is a silly class. I don't like my teacher.

Ugh.

I am so tired of school. Can I have another day off please? It would do me good!

I sit in German class everyday and it freaks me out because I realize that I understand almost nothing that comes out of any one's mouth and I have to live with a nice german family for two weeks and speak the language. I will probably end up killing myself.

Uggghhhh.

I think I will go to bed after I finish this. It would do me good!

I've come to the conclusion that I am addicted to rap music. I need serious psychological help. But not before I listen to Chingy's "Right Ther" one more time. Just one more time. Thats all....I can stop anytime. I really can.

I must really be gangsta now.

My sweater is warm but this room is cold.

Hey! Real Daddy! I miss you!

I am still a P.I.M.P but unfortunately do not have the magic stick.

HOLY SHIT!

I had a baaaaad dream last night.

I was pregnant and walking round old MHS and I was real happy to be preggers. My parents weren't angry at all. They were all like, "Another one?" GAHHHH! I don't know who the father was in the dream! I really am a slut...I gots Hepatitis B, and I get dream-pregnant.
Yikes.

I am a P.I.M.P although 50 Cent would beg to differ. Yes kids, Mary has knows her rap music.

i wish i was gangsta

home alone just me and the kitty

At the absolute polar opposite....

Mary is not in a good mood today. Here is why:

Mary has a cold. And a forensics meet on saturday. And another one on Monday. Mary needs to get better or she will not perform good. So last night before bed, Mary takes cough medicine. Only Mary has forgotten how to read because she takes the non-drowsy formula. Mary is up all night.
Mary could've stayed home. Mary should've. But Mary is a glutton for punishment.
Mary went to school.
Mary went to first hour.
Mary got pulled out of first hour with a buncha other kids (which is band by the way) by Mr. Dasher (jerkface penis breath) only to be bitched at because we didn't give him two weeks notice that we would be missing a concert. (This for sub-districts - an important meet) But the problem is that we really did give him two weeks notice. Most of us did. Only two didn't. This wouldn't be happening if Dasher hadn't scheduled over the meet which was on the schedule before the band concert. If there had been any basketball games or hockey or swimming that night, we wouldn't be having a band concert. But because just forensics is going on, it doesn't matter. Forensics can just be brushed to the side.

Mary is in a good mood today. Mary feels good for the first time in a long time, really, truly, GOOD!
Here is why:

Mary knows where she is going to school next year.
Mary had a half day.
Mary found some scholarships that she can apply for with the actual hope of getting.
Mary has a cold but drinking green tea has helped it! (Thanks Donna!)
Mary has a forensics meet on saturday and she is ready to kick forensic ass.
Mary has a psych test tomorrow but she can study at work!
Mary is behind in her History homework but thats what half days are for!
Mary finally has time to clean her retainer!
Mary is going to make a mix and send it to someone special!
The End.

There are probably a lot more reasons why I am happy. Today I guess I just feel good. The morning was kind of shitty. It was cold and I woke up...I can't say freezing because I had two thick blankets on my bed...but when I went down to the laundry room I realized that yet again our furnace wasn't working. The house was chilllllllllly. Brrr. But the shower was warm! My bed had been warm!
I was happy we got the copious amount of snow that we got because I realized that I am going to have to learn to deal with this much snow on a regular basis. For next year of course! However, I won't actually have to go outside all winter if I don't want to because there are tunnels underneath RIT connecting everything! Wonderment! Plus I don't mind snow too much when I don't have to shovel it. So there.

Another day off from school? I can't handle this! Plus a half day this week...high school does have its perks.

Here is how long it has been since I have thorougly cleaned my desk: two years. I can tell by the pay stub that was still sitting on it when I got to the bottom of all that crap.
I'm a slob. You don't have to tell me.
Cuz of the snowday....my mom made me clean my room.

Febuary has started out as good month! It has started with a snow day. I like that.

Winter carnival was a good time. I guess. Yeah whateva.

I sent all my stuff to RIT that said "Yes I want to go to your school!" It made me so happy.

My head hurts from all the dust that my desk accumulated. Ugh.

I still have a lot to do in my room.

Also...on a sadder note...lets all remember the amazing body of work from Helmut Newton.

Bibliophile has been updated.

School was canceled today. I really needed the day off. Not because I'm behind in my work or anything but because I haven't gotten to sleep in one morning since christmas break. I work at the crack of dawn on saturdays and go to church early on sunday - one by choice the other not so much. I don't mean to bog you down with my bitching but that is the way it is. For me at least.
Winter Carnival is tomorrow. I'm not excited or anything. I'm on court which is kind of exciting. But I have to stand next to Evan which is defintely not exciting.
I don't have any tickets. I was planning on buying them today. They don't sell them at the door like they did in olden times. I will have to force my way in, I guess.

I hope those who don't have to go to school today enjoy their day, those who can't should also enjoy their day off as well, and those who still do...nah nah nah.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Jesus will finally speak to you this week, but His message of love will contain such filthy language that your faith will be shaken forever.

Does my father not know me at all? He thinks it silly that I refuse to vote for Bush. It's none of his damn bussiness who I vote for.

I went to Ani Difranco too. I also thought it was awesome. You've already heard that.

The new semester started yesterday and with that new semester I got two new classes. Comparative Economics and Pottery & Sculpture I. One shall be more exciting than the other. Can you guess which one?

I hate the world right now.

What the shit is up with wearing fucking black trenchcoats? I hate school.

That is my Jane Eyre thesis assignment. I can't type it in Microsoft word because I'm at school and my account at school is set to french and that's the only program I have trouble switching back to English. I type something and it comes out the french equivalent. M = Q on their keyboard. I can't type my name!

1) "John....home." Ch. 1 p. 3-4
A mostly physical description of John Reed with some aspects thrown in of how his looks affect the way he acts.

2) "Why...night." Ch 2 p. 8-9
Physical descriptions of Eliza and Georgiana and more about John's character.

3) "I stepped...teeth!" Ch. 4 p. 25
Physical description of Mr. Brocklehurst.


What so these observations reveal about the narrators's personality, ideas or preferences?

Jane has been told so much that she is ugly, that she has been begun to forcus on outward appearances of the people she encounters, making their physical descriptions the first thing the reader knows about a character.

I don't have much to say lately.
I should be working on my cloning paper. But I'm not. Maybe I should clone myself.

I took a test in german on friday. I had to write an essay tracing a person's path through the german school system. At the end I said he was happy with his job because he can eat babies. He is an electrical engineer. He cooks them first.

Mr. Rochester has got something in his attic.

Bibliophile has been updated
read about my readings

I hate this....coming back after winter break and realizing I still have one semester of high school left...yet also realizing that I have only a semester left.

I am a good person because I did 23 hours of community service this semester. Yes I am.

I have returned! I'm am well rested and no longer a shade of pastyness. December was kind of the month from hell for me but now I feel allllll bettttter!
I recieved many nice things for Christmas. Waiting for me on the kitchen counter when I returned was a t-shirt that said "Serbia yay!" which my brother is most jealous of. Haha! Thank you very much Sarah! (Thank you also to Sarah P. for taking good care of my house and for Whale Rider)
I shared a room with my brother the past week. He is stinky and does not put the seat down. Or flush the toliet. Or hang up his towels. Or go to bed at a decent time. He is a strange creature.
The best present of all was a letter. But I will say nothing more. I will give no clues either.

The Red Cross sent me a mean letter telling me my blood was bad. They said it tested positive for hepatitis c or b some letter. They said they could not use it. This makes me said because they must have made a mistake and now I will have to go to the doctor and get a test for real just to make sure. Stinky!
I realized today that I do not like to fly because I always end up sitting next to strangers. An old lady kept elbowing me to ask stupid questions. The plane was scary too. It shook a lot.

Merry Christmas belated wishes to all!

Donna is the coolest! I got the best Christmas present ever today! A t-shit! And not just any t-shirt! One that says Everybody Loves a Slavic Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! I elated and overjoyed and wearing it tomorrow!

When they ask Saddam where the weapons of mass destruction are, he will say, "In George W. Bush's pussy." Because that is where they are.

Funniest thing I hears today: "By fur trade they mean prostitution." I peed myself for that one.

Hot damn

It is my christmas gift to the world!

But you've probably already seen it.

School sucks and I am ready to do done with it for awhile. I should be doing History as usual but I haven't read the chapter so that makes it hard to do the assignment.

I like Mental Health Days.

I cannot wait until next year. Not only will I be in college but I will not be working at Sharp during the holiday season. This means that I will probably like Christmas again. Which will be nice. As much as I bitch about working at Sharp, I really love so don't pay any attention the comments I make.
Evan I hope you are coming in today like you said you would. That is, if you can get in the door. The store should be jam packed with customers.
I watched the Italian Job last night. Turkish was in it! He got to play a....Turkish-type charcter. Still it was an exciting movie because fast cars were in it and Turkish drove them.
We're watching Harold and Maude in Philosophy and I don't understand why. Maybe Kaz is just trying to freak us out.

Damn I feel just like a big time scientist in the human genome project when I make graphs about base pairs whilst I wear my glasses

This is the week from hell. It is my own fault that it is so but only sort of.
I need to work on my time-manegment skills better. But this time of year it is not so easy. Work is hell. It is not cool when you come home from work and cannot stay standing because your legs hurt too much. This is the third year I've had to deal with this shit. I've paid my dues there, I think I deserve a sitting down job during christmas.
But I am writing this from home because that is where I am today. Not because I am sick but because I am tired and have fallen behind in school and am going to go crazy. It is more like a Mental Health day. I have much to do because I have not had any time to work on it.
Ugggh. The keyboard and I are best friends.
Babysitting Miss Asia yesterday was fun as always. We didn't go sleding as I had hoped because we had to go to dance class. (That was a joy in itself because I had bratty children I didn't know climbing all over me. I wanted to fling them across the room but I think their mother's would've been angry. Well their mothers should have been watching them.) Then we had dinner and by the time we got home it was almost time for bed and Miss Asia wanted to watch a Barney video. Barney is the bane of my existence. He is much too happy. I think he ODs on Prozac.
I have much to do but I cannot get started yet. I have a lab report, biweekly, and AP US hist. to do. Plus I should make an appearance at forensics practice since I have not met witch my coach yet. Oh well. Plus I have christmas shopping to do. Ughh!

So I got rejected from Madison. Which is no big deal because I didn't want to go there in the first place I only applied there to appease certain people. I'm not sad or anything I'm just bitter because I didn't get to say no to them.
But it also makes me think that if I don't get in to Madison, where will I get in? What if I don't get in anywhere? I will have to work at Sharp for the rest of my life! This thought scares me. Let me reiterate: this is one of those times when I wish I had a large and very powerful remote control and I could use it to fast forword through time and avoid all this waiting over RIT and U of M. I just wanna know! There are other things to keep me busy. School is a good start. I should be doing school work right now. I don't know how I'm going to get anything done at all this week. I'm so busy. I work Tuseday, baby sit Wed., have a band concert Monday plus monday is a holy day of obligation which means I have to go to church. Uggggh!

There was a christmas party at my house yesterday. I learned that the Yew tree is not a very well known tree.

My legs hurt like a bitch. Work was nasty today. Very busy despite the Packer/Bear game. Got to babysit people who still can't do things on their own. My favorite!

I update my other blog, Bibliophile read and enjoy!

I love half days. I went out to lunch with my mom and saw many people at Acoustic. Crazy! Then my mom and I went to find cool yarn for the purse I am going to start knitting and I spent way too much money on it. Cool yarn is expensive. Oh well. I am excited to knit my purse and I have plenty of time to do so. I bought christmas presents for my dad and my brother. I got the new issue of BUST magazine too. Then we went home and my mom and I are trying to start the purse. First you start with the bottom. You cannot start at the top like I wanted to. I wanted to do top, bottom, and then the strap but you can't do things that way. You must go by what the pattern says.
I am listening to Badly Drawn Boy. It is glorius.
I shaved my legs. I didn't realize I had a whole line of bruises up and down my shin on my right leg. A thick layer of fur will hide these facts from you.
What else? Oh! I have my senior quote! Would you like to see it? You would! Hurray! Here it is. You cannot steal it ok?

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." --Albert Camus

It's funny how that describes me perfectly. It came off of a corny ass calender my dad gave me for christmas last year. That's been the only good thing that calender had going for it.

So yesterday, I wrote this post about what a bad day I had because my period was coming and stuff and I felt like I was stoned because I couldn't comprehend human speech. I posted it but it has disappeared. This makes me sad. :(
(Private to Evan - No I don't get horrible periods but I have the worst mood swings known to man before my period. So there.)
Yes Evan and I were talking about periods. Isn't that special? That's a way to make friends!
Uggh. As I begin to look toward the end of the school year the more I realize that high school is starting to become like Nazi Germany. They have implemented a whole new system in the cafeteria because stupid shitheads have been stealing things! So now only so many people can be let into the ala carte line at a time. Fucking stupid if you ask me. I'm bringing my lunch from now on. I'm 18 years old, I think I can handle eating lunch from school and not stealing things. STUPID!!!!!!!!!
I am so angry. I feel more and more like I am being treated like a small child. I want to be seen as somewhat as an adult but that obviously isn't going to happen any time soon.

Sarah E!!!! I have you photos!!! Would you like to see them? I have a half day on thursday! We should do lunch!

December 1 begins the countdown. I have 45 days until I know. My head might explode. Come January 12 y'all better be patient with me. I will be a nervous wreak.
Evan how the shit did you get my email address? You scare me. Please stop sending me ads about the penis patch. I do not have a penis. But if I did I would be proud. I think. I don't know?
Everyone should see Love, Actually. It will warm the coldest of hearts. I promise. You will walk out of the theater with a spring in your step, a smile on your face and a song in your heart.
I'm not doing homework tonight. That is really exciting. At least I think so.
Haha!