Friday, April 25, 2003

I'm making Mac and Cheese on saturday. All the more incentive to come! Plus Harry Potter and me! Yay!
Why go to prom when you can eat Mac and Cheese and watch HP? I know which I would rather do.
Last night I got a shift and I worked and it was good. A really hot guy came in and I wanted to jump his bones right there in the lobby. But I didn't you see because...I don't know.
Graham and I are supposed to be working on our project to create the 8th continent but instead Graham is playing the Emo Video Game. I can hear the opening sequence of Steven Tyler butt raping the Get Up Kids on his computer and he keeps laughing and I say yuck.
Graham is not researching economics like he is supposed to. God Graham, it's not that funny.
I think I might take a nap after school. I am uber tired. I hope we don't do much in 5th hour today. That would suck majorly. I don't think I can take much more of doing school work today.
I feel like going to school is so mundane. I'm sitting here going through my daily grind instead of being out in the work force or sitting on my ass. I just had this sudden feeling that my world is utterly mundane. Haven't you ever just stopped to think about just how ordinary and commonplace your life is? I haven't done anything earth shaking yet and somehow, I feel like I'm wasting away. It's so weird to follow the same routine everyday: get up, shower, eat breakfast, go to school, move from one class to the next every 50 minutes, eat lunch, go to more classes, go home, do homework, eat dinner, do more homework, go to be, repeat. It's just the same thing over and over again and while I'm a person who thrives on routine, I can't help but think how strange it is that I will find myself here suddenly thinking about how ordinary and mundane a day in my life is. I mean, anyone would get bored following me around. I would get bored following me around.
titty slap, jelly bean
There I think I am over my sudden philosphophical break in thought.
Yesterday my dad was giving me shit about how short my shirt was before I went to school. He's seen me wear the shirt I wore yesterday five million times. He made me lift up my arms. At least I passed that test. When I complained to my mom she said I should be glad that I have a father who cares about what I wear. Some fathers don't even give a shit.
While I am grateful for this, I think my father has gone too far. I am a responsible 17year old girl. I have been consciously choosing what I want to wear for the past ten years. I pick out my own clothes when I go shopping and I tend to stray away from risque styles. After 17 years, my father of all people should know this. Isn't he supposed to know me best? Isn't he aware that I am vehemently against wearing a tshirt that could potentially show my stomach? I like shirts that cling. To something.... that don't make me look like a man but yet I still feel confident in. Ok? God it's like he doesn't trust me. I know I do a lot of bitching about my dad in here, but he's been getting over-protective lately, frankly, I think these feelings could escalate as I near the end of my high school years. I still have one more year with them and I can't wait to get out.
I shall shut up now.
Don't forget: Harry Potter, Mac and Cheese, my house 7:30PM, Saturday.
Please come. I will give you a lovely Harry Potter sticker if you do. Plus free food and a comfy place to put your butt.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

I'm supposed to be researching Roe v. Wade and getting ready to write my legal brief, but I don't feel like it. My tummy hurts (as usual) and I'm bored. I didn't do any homework or studying last night because I took a nap. I had my last night of wednesday confirmation EVER. That was cool. We played with fruit and the teacher's aid by accident showed us all her thong. Yay for the 45 year old women who wears risque underwear.
Harry Potter party my house saturday 7:30 be there or be octagonal!
Jesus I'm lame.
Speaking of Jesus, Mary Magdalene was not just some 'ho. She was probably married to Jesus. HAHA!
The Da Vinci Code of course.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Catherine Zeta Jones has given birth. Thank god.
Penis origami....discuss amongst yourselfs.
Oi, my head hurts. Sarah P. gave me a pretty bracelet all the way from the land of Mexico and it is pretty. Yup. I am very thankful.
Nothing much happened today. Except Mr. Poss sucessfuly suceeded in confusing me about what to do with my life. He comes up to me in the computer lab and is all, "You know Mary, I really see you as a writer." I know that's a compliment and all but it confused me. My passions lie elsewhere. Yeah I like to write but I can't imagine myself doing it. I see myself taking pictures for a living and isn't that important? I mean, I'm so serious about it already. I'm just good at writing (ohh I'm so modest) by nature. I read a lot of books and that's where I learn to better form words. I've always had a desire to put words down on paper but the problem is that I only want to do it for myself and not for others. I want to share my photography with the world. I don't want to share my writing because I don't think I'm a very good writer. I mean, when I try to write fiction or whatever, I don't like what comes out and I can't come up with very good ideas. I think my ideas suck. I don't save up all summer working long hours in a hot photo lab to spend almost $800 on a camera I'll just be using for a hobby. Why can't writing be my hobby? Mr. Poss is not clairvoyant. Only I decide my future.
Maybe this new confusion is the reason for my headache.

Monday, April 21, 2003

Has Catherine Zeta Jones given birth yet? Because I really need to know when she squirts out the next Michael Douglas spawn.
I drove (as in I had control of the vehicle) all the way to the cities with my mom and back and I was ok. Yay me. That was today. I got a purse. It is black. I got a Dar Williams CD too. I haven't listened yet because I know it will be good because Dar Williams is just like that.
So what else? I took pretty pictures on thursday. They are pretty and I like them. Watched Harry Potter again over the weekend. Made me happy.
Sarah P. is coming back today. My hair smells weird.
I can't stop bleeding.
That is scary. What if I hemorrage? Cause of death: Uterus expelling too much of it's nasty ass lining.
I'll stop now. Cyber space is probably grossed out. So am I.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

My brother's friend Rick is the coolest! He made me a super duper punky punk punk mix! Let me explain. Last week as Pete and I were waiting for the judge to come to my round at state we were talking about this and that. The subject of the house where Pete and his friends are going to live next year came up and how hard it was for all of them to agree on one. I said something about how Rick is a big old pussy because Rick was being particularly difficult in the house choosing phase. I've met Rick and I think I scared him because I was in a really bad mood the weekend he was visiting. Anyway, Pete's all, "Rick's favorite band is the Misfits." and I'm all, "Yeah and I bet he likes Good Charlotte and New Found Glory." (Who suck by the way.) and Pete's all, "So he's a Johnny Come Lately punk fan?" and I can't remember anything else. So apparently Pete told Rick that and Rick got all, "I'm not Johnny Come Lately!" So he burned me a CD of all the bands he likes and guess what? Suprise surprise we like a lot of the same bands and Rick is hardly Johnny Come Lately.
So now Rick is in my good book.
I'm hiding right now. I'm hiding from my cousins who I really don't want to deal with. I have to share the guestroom with them and I can't stay up late reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (good book by the way) because they go to sleep early and stuff. So I'm sitting here minding my own bussiness trying to stay away. Did I mention my dad can be a real dick? Well he can be.
I have to make Rick a thank you card. Really deep down inside, I am a very nice person.
I really am.
I miss Sarah P. Writing in the Tampon Project is no fun. It's only for Nate's amusement. At the moment. But when Sarah comes back....all will be well. I hope she didn't catch some sort of amoeba. That would be bad and so like Mexico. Why do I hate Mexico so much? Because I have only seen the worst parts. I'm sure there are very nice places. But I've only seen filth and poverty. I've seen little kids not more than three selling trinkets to tourists.
I don't wanna think about it.
I'm driving to Minneapolis with my mom tommorrow. Like, oh my god, girls day out! (valley girl voice) No, this trip has much sinister puproses. We need to find a pop's concert/confirmation/mom's retirement dinner/senior photo's dress. Yes my mother is retirering. It's kinda weird. But working makes her sick so I guess it's all for the best.
Have a happy easter and if you don't celebrate easter have a happy sunday.

Friday, April 18, 2003

Hey there party people! Who likes thinking about sex in church? I don't! But that's what happened last night at Holy Thursday services.
I hate being Catholic.
I digress.
Days off from school are nice because I can sit around and do nothing. Yesterday, the branches on the trees and the bushes were frozen with rain. So I went outside with my trust camera and got my photo on. By the time I got outside, the ice was beginning to melt. Which was even cooler. I had gotten these neat little filter thingies that you put in the back of your camera between the film and the shutter curtain so when the shutter opens to expose the film, the little filter thingie adds grain to the negative and ultimately the photo. It works much better than putting a filter on the front of the camera and trying to add grain that way because the in camera filter actually adds grain to the emulsion with the latent image.
I shut up with all my photo jargon.
I get to work tomorrow which is nice because I like work and I like money.
My relatives are coming up from Chicago to spend the holiday. I think this year I will refuse to be a babysitter. It's pro bono work. I no likee that.
Oh pete moss what have you?
Name that tune

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Last night Asia couldn't sleep so I spooned with her. But five year olds (she's five now) don't get the concept of spooning so she kept splaying her arms and legs.
I digress.
I wish all the music I had on my computer wasn't so melancholy.
Rachel you need to go with what consumes you the most not what someone else says you should do. You have to do what you love the most. That's why I'm going with the photog and not writing or whatever because I love photography more than anything else. It's managed to work itself into almost all the elements of my life. School, work, home. I can't get away from it and I'm always thinking about some picture I could take or some technique I could try. I have an entire set of shelfs in my room to devoted to all the photo books I own and my binders of negs and slides. I see the same thing going on with you with your numerous sketchbooks and simple excitment over art supplies. I get that way over the smell of film and fixer. I love the way fixer stays on my hands even hours after I've worked with it.
Watching the kidlets play soccer yesterday it struck me how innocent they are. They have no idea about the shit that's going down in the world today. They don't know about rape or FGM or all the horrible things that can happen to a loved one. Things like dying in a car crash or being beaten to death. War doesn't show up on the radar. The world is only full of good things. Sadly, personally, I had to find out that bad things happen to good people at age seven. I never, ever want that to happen to Asia or any little girl or boy. It's not fucking fair. There are little kids in Iraq who are sitting in the middle of a war and they are wondering why when there are no answers. There are tiny kids in Africa who don't have parents. There are little girls who are going to get their private parts cut out because that is what local custom dictates, that the female sex organ is dirty. They will not have pain medication or clean instruments. They will scream and kick and be held down while someone cuts away their innocence. AND THAT'S NOT FAIR. How is it ever fair for someone to feel bad for things they've said? Not out of malice, but out of jest.
God, it's thinking about all that makes me want to go to sleep and never wake up. I bet some of you would like that.
If I was all powerful I would take away pain and war and suffering and sadness. No one would ever have to feel bad. No little girl would ever be scared. Children are sacred. They are the future and the world they are growing up is taking a shit on them. They will be hardened.

"The only thing worse than bad memories is no memories at all." - the Dismemberment Plan

I hate people who make me feel bad about myself.

Monday, April 14, 2003

To hell with me!
Jason Bourne is one whily bastard. (I'm refering to the book here not the movie.)
I'm gonna go sit on Asia today even though she is not a baby.
I hear my grandma was pleased as punch about her bumper sticker. How is granma?
I don't really have a lot to say today.
I just looked at some of my previous posts and I really need to profread.
I hate that. Missing important words. Where are the little squiggly lines from Microsoft Word when you need them?
I also just realized that my dad has deleted AIM yet again. So I have to go download it yet again. This pisses me off. You know what else pisses me off? How he slams the door. He yells at me for slamming the door but then he goes and does. It the door breaks he BETTER not try to blame it on me because it's his fault.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Guess what? No party next friday (good friday) either. My parents are bitches. That's why. So it will be on Saturday, April 26 at 7:30. I promise!
It's my United States of Whatever.
I got a 24 (out of 25) at state. It kind of pisses me off. I worked super hard all season and the fucking judge takes a point off because she thought I should have used both of my arms for gestures. Excuse me but one arm has to hold the script. I can't use the script as prop so....WHAT THE FUCK?
What makes up for it though is that my big brother was there to watch me. He said I was the best and most entertaining in my round. But of course he would say that because he is my brother. It was good to see him. I spent the day on State Street with Sierra, Tony, and Allison. It was uber fun! We ate at Noodles and Company and went to the Feminist Bookstore (A Room of One's Own). I got comics (La Perdida #1 and #2 by Jessica Abel), a magazine (Bust), and two buttons. We went to B-Sides and I got a Deathcab for Cutie cd. It makes me soooo happy.
Overall, I had a very good weekend.
My period is due to come into town this week. This week is also Holy Week. I will be sitting in church Thursday, Friday, maybe Saturday and Sunday. Hornieness will abound whilst I am supposed to contemplating the passion Jesus Christ. Instead I will contemplating someone's naked body. Oops! Did I say that? I didn't mean to. Please disregard my comments. Especially if they gross you out.
I thought I had so much to say. But I don't. I feel like going on a photo expedition today. Who wants to come?
I have some letters to write today too and homework to do. I can't wait.
Have you heard the Rasputina cover of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here"? It could quite possibly be better than the original.
My fingers are cold as usual. The future is a scary place. Just so you all know.
Nate don't go biting your pillow, ok? You might get a mouthfull of pillow innards and that would be no good. Plus it would taste yucky.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

I can't stop talking gizanster. You know my party? Well I'm too damn tired to have it tonight. So it will be next friday at the same time and place. Bizitch! I'll more about state later right now I'm going to go play with Rachel because I am at her house.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

"Is it good to get these men worked up so sexual?" - The Faint

I take back everything I said about RIT. It is possible to change your mind about something so importan as college in the span of 15 minutes. Daddy mentioned something last night about Columbia College in Chicago. I brushed it off thinking, "Bah! I've gotten him to agree to RIT what else do I need?" So to quell my curiosity, I looked up the website for this college and my jaw dropped. This is the college of my dreams. You see, at the first place I really considered, University of Minnesota, I could study English (Writing) but not photog. At RIT I could study photog but not English. At Columbia I can do both!!!!!!!!!!!! This makes me so happy. Plus Columbia is waaay cheaper than RIT. Meaning I can afford it and so can Ma and Pa. I was really worried about being a financial burden on them. Daddy was all, "We'll find some way..." You see Mommy is retiring and that is one less income. Columbia is small and diverse and in Chicago which means I'll be close to some family. Which is always cool.
All you crazy peeps out there are like, "God this bitch is all college college college." You know what? This is one of the most important decisions I'm preparing to make so far for seventeen years. I do not take this lightly. I am serious. I'm so worried about paying for it but now I feel somewhat better knowing I might've find the right place for me. Another good thing is that I will be closer to home. Which I like. RIT gives shit for breaks so I wouldn't hardly to my family till summer. Frankly, I don't think I could handle that.
Thanks for listening.
Nate why do you watch DiGrassi? Do you long to relive your painful middle school days? You shouldn't because middle school sucked.
In Writing With Style right now and I should be revising my short story but I'm not. Oh I am. Well I'm doing this more than the other.
Last night my dad and I went out to dinner at Perkins. (I had chicken parmesan last night to the test the strength of the purple pill called Prevacid and I found that the purple pill called Prevacid is MIGHTY!) Anyway, we had the college talk. Basically, we reviewed my financial responsibilities - I pay for half. My father also thoroughly reviewed the prospectuses for RIT that I had brought along. He was much pleased. The only thing he doesn't like about RIT is the distance. Rochester, NY is a long way from here. I'm daddy's little girl (for my biological and metaphorical fathers yo) and daddy doesn't want me so far away. But he likes RIT because it seems to be "right up my alley." He also wants me to apply for more scholorships and whatnot than my bro did. He was kind of a slacker about that and daddy is none too happy. It's all part of my evil plan to one up my brother in everything.
And what a coincidence! Sarah E. was eating at Perkins too and we chated and it made me happy. (The computer lab just got really noisy with a bunch of dumbass hoochy girls. SHUT UP!)
I'm giving blood tomorrow and that makes me very happy. Call me a masochist is you will, but I love to give blood. I find it very satisfying because I am directly contributing to someone's physical wellbeing. I'm saving lives. And that's totally cool.
My fingers are cold. Time to stop.

Monday, April 07, 2003

My cat's butt smells. She is sitting on my lap. No one try any mind control, ok?
I woke up this morning with a strange substance trickling down the back of my throat. It was blood! I woke up with a bloody nose! Just how I like to greet the day. I didn't make it to the bathroom in time and I had blood running all down my face and it was gross. My usual trick of blowing my nose over the sink didn't work. Normally a giant bloody snot glob comes out but it didn't happen this time. So I hopped in the shower with blood still trickling. I got red stains all over my yellow towels. Nasty. Luckily it stopped by the time I got to school.
I have a buttload of homework tonight. Ugh. I'm not too happy about that. I also need to clean my room. And put new sheets on my bed because the other ones smell like cigarette smoke and BO.
What all makes up for that is Law and Order tonight. That's my favorite TV show next to Scrubs. Everyone knows Scrubs rules.
What else? I didn't do much on sunday. I slept mostly.
I was pulling out of the memorial parking lot today and someone pulled out in front of me from the K Mart parking lot and cut me off and I almost hit them so I leaned on my horn and they gave me the finger so I leaned on my horn more and then they made a fist at me so I gave the finger. I was right they were wrong. I was still pissed when I got home.
I just want everyone to know that Blake is a god because he has offered me stuff for my zine and no one else has. Blake is godlike! Bow down to him!
Remember my part 4/12 @ 7:30
My cat just ditched me.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

I stink. I smell like cigarette smoke. This is why I don't frequent Racy's. It could be I smell like cig smoke from that party I went to where everyone was drunk. That's a possibility. I think it's a little of both. Watered down beer tastes nasty. I can't really smell it anymore because I just washed my hand with pretty smelling soap but I know it will come back.
My left index finger had a really long finger nail and then it broke off and now my left index finger feels vulnerable and exposed. I don't wanna go back to school tomorrow.
Last night I hung out with Rachel. First we went to Crossroads - the used book store and bought this really cool book about really cool women that we have joint custody of. Then we got my car washed. Then we went to Rachel's house and she changed her clothes. Then we went to Tasha's birthday party. We didn't stay very long. Then we went to my house and I changed because my sweatshirt was all full of hair. Then we went to a party on Water Street where we had watered down beer. It was delicious! Not. Then we left before the police showed up. We went to Racy's next and I got to see Justin Otto for the first time in about a year. It made me happy. Then we left after a while and went back to my house where we watched the diary of Tony Hawk. Then we left again and went to Walmart where we each bought an animal shaped sipper cup and I got Harry Potter stickers. They make me so happy. Then I took Rachel home. The I went home. I still smell stinky.

Friday, April 04, 2003

Nate I didn't understand a thing you said but you still make me laugh. Maybe you should try making sense?
Today is an Ice Day. The phone call came at 5:46 AM. I rolled around my bed shouting "YES!" I so didn't want to have to sit through an assembly today. It was supposed to be some guy telling us what to do with our lives. No I don't want to be crack ho.
I feel like knitting. Who wants a scarf?
I don't know what to do with myself today. Watch TV? No. Watch movie? No. Read? No. Sleep? No. I guess this is my last resort. I'm off to play computer solitare. Bye.
Oh by the way ----- My house 7:30 PM April 12th -----> HARRY POTTER!
Got it? Good.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

I am babysitting for the lovely and fabulous ASIA soon. That makes me so happy because Asia is the coolest, smartest four year old you will ever meet. I am going to teach her about Ansel Adams. I think I might have said that before but we watched Pocahontas and then it was time for bed.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets comes out on DVD and stuff on April 11th. I think I should have a viewing party on April 12th. I think you should all come. Because Harry Potter is the bomb diggity of course!
So what do ya think? Lemme know. I will have further info about times and stuff soon. WHEEEEEEE.
What else? Nate makes me laugh so hard. Tehe.
Had senior preview today and what a preview it was! Senior year is going to be so exciting!
I am going to go crazy next year if I'm not already. I will shoot myself. I have a pretty good idea of where I want to go and what I want to do thank you very much, I don't need much help. I think I will have a new hobby: filling out applications for college and scholorships! It will be my most favorite thing to do.
I like root beer floats. I am listening to Weezer. I have to go finish the rough draft for my short story now.
By the way, I need crap for my zine. So send some stuff my way. I'd really love you forever. Plus you get a free issue. So that should be incentive enough.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Whooohoooo! I am such a badass gangsta bitch! I am wearing the forbidden shirt. You know...the Buddha rub my tummy shirt? Who wants to rub my tummy?!? Anyway, I don't give a shirt what my dad says, it would be a wast of sweet, sweet money not to wear it. I even intend on wearing it next friday when I will be competing in the state forensics tournament. For luck of course! I thumb my nose at authority!
Did you know Graham T. smells really nice? Like Old Spice. I like the smell of Old Spice. Graham's head is also prickly, like a cactus. But not like a porqupine. That's a very good thing. Ohhhhhhhh, I love lab day in Writing With Style! It is full of tastyness. Asthma is sexy. You betcha! Betcha is a funny word. So is jelly bean AND titty slap.
I am an April fool! I'm also hungry....for baby?
Nothingness....ohhh sweet nothingness...come and find me.
Tuseday is chicken strips day! Tasty! Thursday is Trading Spaces day! Tastyer!