Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I have pain in my heart. I can't make it go away.
Like, I feel all broken inside and I feel like because I've been broken inside so many times that I can't put the pieces back together anymore. I don't understand why things can't just be the way I want them to be. Like I want to feel whole again but there is this gaping hole and its sucking everything into it so fast that I can't fix it. I wonder when things get to go right for me? Right in the way I want them too. I know I shouldn't be waiting around but I can't help but wait because there is nothing better to do. There is nothing there anymore to spark me or keep me going like there used to be. I feel blank. Maybe it's better off if I just stopped caring?
I know its come back. I felt really really good for a too short a period of time. I felt strong and invincible. Now I feel weak and small. I can't remember when I last felt good before then. I wanna feel good again but I don't know if I can do it.

And that's what's been bothering me.

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