Monday, March 17, 2003

Today I wore a shirt that I bought with my own money. It says: "For good luck rub my tummy." with a picture of Buddha below. Apparently, this is a provacative statement because I am not allowed to wear it to school anymore. So says lord and master Daddy. I understand that he feels he needs to protect me, but I resent that apparently he thinks I'm not responsible and can't use good judgment. Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion. People (specifically boys) aren't going to read my shirt much less carry out what it says to do on it. It is my personal opinion that boys don't really look at me all that much. My father once told me that I didn't have any privacy and that I can't make decisions about things such as religion on my own. Granted, on two different occasions. I love my father and all that he does for me, but I do not love the way he treats me. I feel like I'm 12. I can't wear what I want. I can't say or do certain things. Things that my brother says to our father I cannot say to our father. I feel like I haven't earned his respect or trust. I work very hard and it doesn't really feel like he cares. Last week I got two academic awards. Yes, he said good job and whatnot, but I would like him (and my mom too) to make a bigger deal out of these things I do. I work very hard and I've come a long way. But sometimes it feels like it's all in vain. I just want someone to gush. Maybe I'm selfish. I don't know. What I do know is that I should be allowed to wear my Buddha shirt whenever and whereever I want. There are a lot worse shirts I could wear, a lot more provactive clothing I could wear. But I don't. I'm true to myself. I don't wear that stuff because I'm not comfortable in it. Apparently, my father doesn't really pay attention that much to what girls today are wearing. Not that I expect him to, but not all girls dress as dowdy as me. I'm relatively conservative in the fashion department. I know nothing about clothes and I prefer to subsit on jeans and tshirts. I like shopping at Savers, not because it's cool but because there is nowhere else to buy decent, comfortable clothing.
Thank you and good night.

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