Thursday, March 13, 2003

I feel better today. Better than yesterday, tuseday, and monday. Even though I am so hungry. Yes today is the big day. Gastroscopy. I think for lunch I might have a nice refreshing rinse of the mouth with water. Yum yum.
So no matter how much of a pill I am in class my teachers love me. Today is lab day in Writing With Style and Mr. Poss just came by to tell me that I'm getting the E2 (squared) award. This is the second time I've gotten it. Last year was from the beloved Herr Fleming. The E2 award is for outstanding academic excellence and effort. Yay me. Also, Mr. Poss said he would give me a recommondation when the time came. Yipeee! He says he doesn't do that for just anyone. Lalalalal yay me.
My hands are all shakey because I haven't had anything to eat since around 6 PM last night. I am so hungry I could eat a rotissery chicken. Yum. Or a PB&J sub from Erbert and Gerbert's. Double yum. Or a fresh bagle from Big Apple bagles. Triple yum. I should stop doing this. It's making me delirious. At lunch I will finish my oceanography homework. That way I won't have to do it tonight when I am coming down from a high dose of narcotics. When do I get to eat again? I could use a vanilla milkshake from Burger King. I don't care if I vomit. I just want foooooood. Sweeet yummy warm tasty food. Yogurt, string cheese, Otis Spunkmeyer (hehe spunk) cookies. Chicken strips. I LOVE FOOD. Waffles. Pancakes. Omletes. Poptarts. Yum. Cereal. Anything. Except dog poo. I'm not fond of that.
I just have German, lunch, and a little bit of band to go before I will have my "procedure" and find out what's wrong with me and be able to eat again.
I feel good today. In a week that has been otherwise bleak, dreary, and grief stricken, this mood feels like the first ray of spring time sunshine. My thoughts stray occasionally to her. But I pull them back as if they were dogs on leshes and I their tired master, wants to go home. I'm going to write a letter to her parents. That will help me heal as it may help them. On friday, I will give my big brother a hug and I will go out with my friends and remember that she is safe in heaven where no pain can touch her. I will take caution on icy roads and I will be ever mindful. I will keep her in my thoughts but as the days go by, she will become a shadow and to say her name will not hurt so much.
I will stop being so poetic.

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